“so let go/ and jump in/ oh well whatcha waiting for/ it’s all right/ ’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou
Somewhere, there is beauty in leaning on someone else. In sharing, I mean really sharing, boundless, unexplainable sadness. It’s hard to be vulnerable, but it’s important. Anxiety and depression are sad, lonley pits of human experience that make us think that we are alone; that make us think that we are the only people to have ever struggled; to make us think that this state of emotional upheavel is permanent.
The only thing that I can say with certainty about the uncertainty of anxiety and depression is that it is not permanent. Like a menance, it comes, and it goes, and sometimes you can predict it, and other times it shows up uninvited, but it is never a forever thing.
When you make room for the breakdown– the slow, sputtering spiral of anxiety and depression– the lonliness and the sadness — you give yourself permission to be one with the pain. Because though it is impossibly difficult to admit, this sadness is a part of us, too, and trying to pretend that it is not there is unproductive and does not serve a purpose to the task at hand. where is the beauty in this breakdown?
If we do not share our stories, then how can we ever grow or help anyone else on their journey?
I can write this today because i’ve been there. I can feel this today because i’ve felt that. My hope is that the next time I feel defeated and less than, I can come here and read my own words of hope and realize that it will not be permanent. We must see the beauty in the breakdown. What is this trying to teach us? Maybe the lesson isn’t as profound as we want it to be. Maybe we have less going on than we think… maybe this is anxiety, arriving early for its shift, taking over our psychi and trying to protect us from something we do not need protecting from. We need to talk to our anxiety and to tell it…, ‘thank you so much for coming out today– but we aren’t under fire.’
No. Today, I am not under fire.
This breakdown is no different than other breakdowns i’ve had before. This breakdown is a bump in a long road of growth; this breakdown is a chance for me to reevalute the ways that I cope.
There is still beauty here, I promise.